Time of the Writer: Broken hearted girl – by Palzor Bhutia

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She sat there with the walls around her slowly closing and drowning in her own tears.

For years she had believed that her love would never hurt her. She had changed herself for someone who loved her but he could not understand her the way she expected him to. Makes sense? No, I guess not. In simple words, she was beginning to question her love for him. Did she love him? Yes. Did he love her? Yes. But sometimes love is not the only magical solution to every emotional problem. Sometimes, all a girl needs is a hug or concern or just someone who can be there to hold her when she starts to question her own morals and values.

She was an independent woman once. She had completed her degree from a flashy college with fairly good marks and she had boys drooling over her every time she posted a picture of her in Facebook. And oh yeah, she had a boyfriend too. He loved her. He loved her to death. But why did she leave him to be hurt by another man? Because she wanted to explore and see things beyond the arms of her loving man. And she did explore the world. In the arms of another. She experienced love in different colors. She experienced happiness, jealousy, hatred and adventure. She hated him for making her feel so vulnerable. She hated that she felt jealous every time she saw him talking with another girl. She hated to feel so many emotions make its way up to the surface of her skin and then into her eyes.

Everyone living in the 21st century believes in taking chances. So she took one. She said yes to a person whom she was not that certain of. Why can only men dump one girl for another? A girl can dump one guy for another one too. That does not make her a serial and obsessive dater. That makes her a 21st century girl. But she had no idea that the decision she made would hurt her so much today.

She had built her whole life around him. She had chipped away pieces of her to fit into his world.She could not go anywhere because even in pain she was trying to pick up the broken pieces and fix everything. This was not the first time and she was sure that it was not the last time either. She was used to the pain. She was addicted to it. She kept going back because the relief after the pain felt good.

She looked at her phone for the hundreth time now. The phone sat there on the floor, awfully silent. People around her, her friends with wine in their glasses tried to put sense in to her but she was not listening. She had heard the same thing from so many people now that it went right above her head. All she could think was, when the phone was going to ring and she could find an excuse to go back to his arms. She wanted a reason to go back. Even a missed call from him would mean the world to her.

And when the phone rang. She picked her broken heart back and glued it stronger than before.Was she sad? Yes. But if she had the chance to go back in time and fall in love with him she would still do it because she knew that it was what she signed up for. She never wanted love to be always sunshiny and happy. She wanted black clouds. She wanted thunder and rain but sometimes in those rainy days she wanted a little ray of sunshine keeping her warm and safe and happy.

By Palzor Bhutia

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